God is Always Working Upstream…

I don’t remember the first time I heard this phrase, I suppose it was at a time in my life when things weren’t quite going the way I wanted, and someone gently tossed it out in hopes that I could grab onto it and believe that it was all for the best. While at the time, I doubt it felt like anything more than a Band-aid on a gushing open wound, it was recorded somewhere in my psyche, so one day it could be summoned after the bleeding ceased. Many years later, I stand firmly on this belief.

It has also been said, that if you stand too close to a mural, you can only see splashes of color, but as you distance yourself from it, the image comes into focus; herein lays the problem.  We make our decisions based on our particular perspective at any given moment in time, without the benefit of knowing what’s ahead of us, as Julia Sweeney says, we make plans and God says Ha!  

So it seems, that even as a self proclaimed pragmatist, I’ve taken some wrong turns, and made some poor choices; I’ve also had my fair share of events outside of my control, wreak havoc in my life. But with distance, and reflection, I began to see the safety nets, which were carefully placed around me, before I ever realized I needed them… and how some of these events shaped the woman I’ve become.

Therefore, had I not had the experience of losing my mom, my younger brother, and my dad, each independently before I reached the age of thirty, I might not have realized how fragile life is, and I might not have pushed myself so hard, and I might not have taken the risks that made my life so rich.

I met my husband, Chris about a year before my first symptoms appeared, and we were married just shy of 6 months before my diagnosis. Who could have ever imagined that our commitment for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, would be tested so soon? 

These days I tend to dwell in Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”, because I can see the foundation of support around me, and I can trust that He is still ahead of me preparing the way... Chris standing beside me is all the proof I need.