The Dry Run...

While I realize many of you may be thinking its time to move on to another topic and put the potty issues behind us... believe me when I tell you, I share your sentiments,and would have liked to report that the dilemma was resolved but that has not been the case.  So hang in there, and try to summon the courage to continue reading. You may find yourself wanting to look away but feeling compelled to peek the way you do when passing a car wreck...

The private garments arrived via the Internet and so the day came when I ventured out, fully outfitted for the Dry Run! I'd like to point out that this was an attempt to gauge comfort and feasibility, with the expectation to be somewhat uneventful and to quite literally experience a dry run, pun intended!  

I had no such luck, and learned quickly that I could not depend on Depends to fIt my bottom snugly enough to hold the inevitable deluge...proving my theory that they could not possibly work for a everyone between 115-190 lbs. Not having planned for the possibility of a wet run, at the age of 49, I had my first ever Commando experience...you can stop laughing now!

Desperate for a solution, I finally called to schedule "The Big Fancy Test" I had been avoiding. The directions for test preparation included arriving with a full bladder. Really? You must be joking! If a had the ability to arrive with a full bladder and not lose control, I would not need the test! I opted for sipping some water on the ride there, in hopes that some would make it to my bladder before the test began, this appeared to suffice.

The technition who performed the test was very pleasant and explained the procedure in detail before she began inserting tiny long tubes with electronic sensors in very private places. Once again humbled by the embarrassment of my business exposed, and with the added pleasure of being wired to measure fluid levels and contractions, I decided this was the equivalent of having Chris in the delivery room, had we shared the experience of the birth of a child. This was a new level of intimacy that would certainly enhance our marriage...good grief!

Although, I still maintain the opinion that a non-invasive catheter is an oxymoron, when it was all over and done with, I'd have to admit it was not that bad. I'd been through worse, and I had minimal discomfort following the procedure. 

Two weeks later, we met with the doctor, our own Christina Yang, and learned that my overactive bladder was contracting intensely when it was filled far below capacity but it was otherwise functioning normally. Since the medication I was taking was not helping, there were two others I could try before resorting to more radical approaches to resolving the problem. 

She went on to describe a procedure where they use a pacemaker to regulate the nerve impulses that cause the contractions, and although that sounded interesting, I was still hoping one of the two medications we had yet to try would do the trick. In the meantime the nurse suggested we try the XL size kids pull ups, as I would likely fit into the size range and prevent leakage in the event of another incident.

Another two weeks have passed since I started the new medication and I am happy to report that it appears to be working. Unfortunately, there were some side effects I should have paid more attention to that resulted in an unscheduled visit to the ER last week, but with extra fluids and a extra large bowl of Raisin Bran every day, I hope to avoid a sequel to that unpleasant trauma...

While the pull ups with the cute butterflies, hearts, and peace signs are much easier to laugh about, I'm ready to give them up now... So let's hope this is the last you'll hear of my dysfunctional plumbing; I think we're ready for some new material...