Last year I read the book Choosing To
See, written by Mary Beth Chapman, the wife of a well known Christian Artist, Steven Curtis Chapman. In it she writes about her journey through the grieving
process after the accidental death of their 5 year old daughter, Maria Sue.
Something about the title and
description drew me in. The loss of a child remains to be the most traumatic
experience I could ever imagine having to endure. I lost a younger sibling at
the age of 23 and to this day I cannot think of any other event that had a
greater impact on me and my family. Even now, when I am forced to face the
reality of my own mortality, it doesn't come close to the overwhelming grief I
experienced at that time.
I had previously purchased a copy of
Beauty Will Rise, the CD that Steven Curtis Chapman released after the loss of
Maria Sue. This collection of songs was by far the best of his work I had yet
to hear. I remember thinking how the lyrics were filled with the pain I had
experienced as I moved in and out of the emotional stages of grief, and yet
they managed to come through the experience transformed by faith and hope. I
purchased several copies that year to give as gifts thinking no matter the
reason for grieving, in the end, the process was the same and these words could
heal people.
I am still impressed by this couple
and their courage to share their journey with us, no matter how personal and
painful the experience has been, and although at the time I had no idea of the
journey that was unfolding before me, through them I have been inspired to see
God's hand in my own journey.
Choosing to see for me, means not to become angry with God
for allowing this disease to take my life as I knew it, but instead finding the
many ways in which we are blessed by these changes, and blessed by those who have joined us on this journey.
I have always joked that my glass is not half empty or even
half full. My glass is overflowing and that has remained unchanged even through this challenge.
My faith simply
will not allow it!
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